I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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