obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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