drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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