Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Terrible idea I love it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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