so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
