Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize