turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
