Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
