the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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