I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
