I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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