Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
birth control should be required to get into college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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