Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
