Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
