My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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