Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
