im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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