Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
