Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
