I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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