Walk of Shame today included voting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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