Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
