It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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