Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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