is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
