he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
