There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
