Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
