you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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