Sponge bath it is.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
