shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
