it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
