remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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