I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
