Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
