PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize