He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
