she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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