Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
