drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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