I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize