you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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