I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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