I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
