I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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