That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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