Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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