mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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