Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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