Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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