he referred to my room as the tit cave...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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