just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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