She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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