I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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