I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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