I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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