you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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