i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
