If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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