Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
