are you wasted or are you getting laid?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?