so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.