the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.