Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance