Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.