I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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