How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
