I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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