I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Text me some of your sweat
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